A few months ago, I went through something incredibly emotional. It was what I already knew deep in my heart. There had been a fracture in a relationship, irreparable even. I won’t get into the details, but suffice to say, I felt there was a solidification that things would never heal, there would be no reconciliation or forgiveness. What made it worse is that I feel my faith beliefs are at the core. Granted there are other factors, but my faith is the root. To say that I was wrecked is an understatement. After lots of ugly crying, I mean, y’all I could. Not. Breath. I realized it was the last day of the fast, and the enemy was trying to distract me. This fasting season, I had pressed in like never before. The Lord spoke to me in many ways, from day one and it was incredible!
Once I realized it was the last day of the fast, I refused to let Satan win. I kept thinking of 1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” I wasn’t able to sleep very well that evening and realized why it was so important to take every thought captive, I was not going to give the enemy a foothold! Yes, I was running all the things through my mind!
We had a night of worship to conclude our fasting season. Worship music speaks to my soul, often in ways nothing else can. We were singing “New Wine” by Hillsong Worship, written by Brooke Ligertwood, © Hillsong Music Publishing. The lyrics:
“In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil
I now surrender
You are breaking new ground
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new fire today”
-these are the lyrics that struck me to my core. I felt crushed and pressed, I saw my heart as the grape. Thinking through the things that were said and the hurt I felt knowing this relationship would more than likely never be the same or even repaired. (I am not doubting my Father, I know he can work miracles). Yet, as the words to this song flowed from my mouth like the juice from the grape, I was feeling, hearing and experiencing this song for the first time. I now surrender, I was giving it to God, the situation was beyond my control. He was breaking new ground-through devastation comes growth, bring new wine from me-from heartache bring joy. There is new power and new freedom, through the devastation God is working to something bigger than me, my situation, it is for His Kingdom. I’m laying it down to burn anew for the Kingdom.
While I’ve been incredibly emotional and tearful even, I am at peace. I am clinging to what the Spirit has spoken to me.